AHI's Employment Law Resource Center - Workplace Greetings: Touchy-Feely Makes Me Uneasy

Reprinted from the February 14, 2008 issue of HR Soapbox, a sounding board where AHI editors give you a lively and interesting read on HR topics causing consternation in the ranks, as well as the opportunity to put in your two cents.
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Workplace Greetings: Touchy-Feely Makes Me Uneasy

When February rolls around, I can't help but think about Valentine's Day...and all the dust that gets kicked up in HR departments everywhere over office romances and the sticky situations that can make HR's life miserable when employees cross personal and professional lines. In my office, there's no fear of that, as the majority of the staff is the same gender and/or spoken for. But I do have a (slightly) sticky situation regarding personal and professional lines that I'm juggling in my head, and that is the issue of workplace greetings.

In some workplaces, showing affection is acceptable, and friendly hugs and kisses are standard. In my office, everyone gets a nice hearty "hello," but no one gets a peck on the check, a warm hug, or even a firm handshake. Maybe a high-five in passing. But not really.

For me personally, a question doesn't even arise about in-office greetings. First thing in the morning, the most you'll get from me is a grunt. Don't say anything more than "hello" or "good morning"...I just can't handle more conversation than that, let alone physical interaction. Even as I wake up some more, I still don't think there's a need for any physical contact in the workplace, especially to say hello or good-bye to someone that you saw yesterday and will see again tomorrow. And the next day.

My question is how to greet co-workers when we're outside of the workplace. At the end of our holiday party a couple years ago, one of my male co-workers kissed me on the cheek on his way out. It caught me off-guard. Not because I thought he was hitting on me; his wife was standing right next to him, and I was friendly enough with her to greet her with a kiss. My (non-work) friends all get pecks hello and good-bye. But my work friends? I realized I had no idea what the proper etiquette was for greeting my co-workers in a social setting. Was it different? Did it have to be? Then I wondered whether I now had to kiss all of my co-workers good-night, plus their significant others.

In reality, those thoughts probably occupied about .5 seconds of my time at that holiday party. It really wasn't a big deal, but it got me thinking. And what I'm thinking is that we all have to assess and act on not only our own personal level of comfort, but also the level of friendship with each co-worker. And don't forget the situation. When a co-worker got a phone call that her father had had a heart attack, I didn't hesitate to give her a comforting hug.

But as a general rule, I say, instead of puckering up, do something else with your lips and give your co-workers a nice big smile. And keep your hands to yourself. Why? The answer, ironically, is KISS. In other words, Keep It Simple, Silly. Why bring up an issue fraught with danger?

The feelings on this range from "bring it on" to "stay back 200 feet." So why even have to think about which employee falls into which category.

Then there's always the danger of mixed signals. A subordinate could think a superior's "friendliness" is a precursor to a quid pro quo request. An employee could find a touchy-feely environment to be a hostile one. A non-touchy-feely employee may view a receptive co-worker as the "teacher's pet." An outside observer may view a tight-knit team not as hard-working, but as too laid-back and unprofessional.

For those reasons, KISS and don't kiss.

Good luck, stay legal, and keep your lips (and hands) to yourself!

Gloria Ju
Editor in Chief

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